Bad, Bad, Leroy Brown.

Goodwill. To earth, to men, and a delightful store that acts as a half-way house for other people's crap possessions. Until one day, a $6 purchase will literally CHANGE. YOUR. LIFE.

Happened to me.

I was perusing the local goodwill store on my lunch hour and there it was. The missing link. The “man” that would complete me… or, at least my living room. 

He stood all but one foot three, snarling like a beast, and missing chunks of….thigh? arm? neck? I’m not sure his body type works in terms of appendages…

Ain’t he a beaut?

Suuuuuure, he’s a little worse for the wear but I figured with a little TLC he’d be right as rain. He just needed a magic hand and a little TKC…that’s “Tender Kailee Care” for you people with no imagination for acronyms.

Now, I didn't take many photos of my creative process on this one.... at least I don't think? I mean, I have absolutely no idea where they're at. Well, I have a vague idea... I just don't feel like snoopin around. Aye! I'll just list the steps of what I did exactly. In small, short, descriptive sentences....

Step 1: Fix Leroy's missing chunks. Hello plaster putty!

Step2: Give Leroy a TAN. A uhhh… really deep tan. I painted him solid black.

Step 3: Give Leroy a belly tattoo. One that says “I’m sensitive, but also (and most importantly) a TOTAL. BADASS.”

Step 4: Give Leroy’s backside a little definition. Clearly his original paint job didn't leave much to the imagination. They spray painted color in small sections... talk about laaaaaazy!

Step 5: Give Leroy an everlasting preservative! Nothing beats smellin and lookin FRESH. For… ever.

and... VOILA! Visual badass-ness for your eyeholes!

Step 6: Put a hat on it! .... except, I am still working on this step. Ya'll have any idea how difficult it is to find a doll size bowler hat for less than $50? That's right, I didn't stutter. I said, FIFTY DOLLARS! Outrageous.

From humble beginnings, through trying times, to glorious endings. Thanks for sneakily slithering into my life Leroy. You bad, bad, Leroy Brown.

Cheerio!

P.S. I found Leroy in the Spring of 2011. Yea. Leroy Brown has been a work in process for 2 freakin YEARS, and in that time - Kailee found herself a real man. Other than myself, he's the only one to really take a shine to Leroy like I did. So Leroy is going to live at his NEW house! Happy house warming my love! MUAH!